Panick XZeroXOCX
by InfiniteLove
Summary: Hyui Shinobu's journey starts with a slow and yet painful beginning to a even more painful world filled with love entwined with hate and a past that haunts your feelings until you don't even know what to feel anymore. This is only a glimpse to the Panick.
1. Leave Me Breathless

My name is Hyui Shinobu.

"Eh? Shin-chan?"

I blink a few times, before turning to look at my dear friend, Emi.

"Yes, Emi-chan?" My voice seems to be dipped in a dream-like haze.

"Did you even hear anything I just said?"

To tell the truth, I have no idea what Emi was going on about. Instead of replying, I blink and try to rack up an excuse for being so spacey.

"Of course you didn't."

I smile sheepishly, trying to hide my shame. I really love my Emi, but sometimes I fail at showing it.

"It's just, with the ball around the corner and—"

"You weren't dreaming about Kiryuu-kun again, were you?"

I gape at her incredibly mean, unbelievably accurate accusation.

"Hah? Kir….yuu…san??" I would object, but I knew she could tell when I was lying. So, instead, I just glare at her.

"Face it, Shin-chan. You got it bad for Kiryuu." She smirks, making me blush. It was totally obvious to Emi that I liked Kiryuu Zero. Everyone else, including Kiryuu-san, was completely oblivious, though. In fact, Kiryuu-san was oblivious to anyone except for Yuuki-chan, Chairman, and the Night Class. At the thought of this gloomy fact, my face falls. Not that it was up, anyways. But Emi can tell that this has crossed my mind.

"Don't worry about it, ShiShi! He'll either acknowledge you by the end off the year, or I'll kick his butt," she says, flipping her long, midnight hair over her shoulder. She winks at me, and I can't help but laugh.

Even though it would really make me sad it Kiryuu-san got hurt.

I don't know why Kiryuu-san would ever notice me. Compared to Yuuki, I must be a crab to an angel fish. I mean, I have shocking red hair, a face sprinkled with peppermint freckles, and eyes that scream jade, but I've never attracted a boy. My body is ok, and Emi says I should be a model. Well, I say she should be a model.

I try to focus more on my studies, but it is actually very hard with Kiryuu-san in the room. Even though he is older and should've been a second year, he is a freshman. Everyone knows why. It's Yuuki. He's like her guardian. Sometimes it makes me swoon, but at other times I get so angry, I—

Oops, I'll do it again. When I get angry, I clench my fists real hard, and my fingernails, which are long and well kept, dig into my hand. Once, I even drew blood.

It hurts like heck.

Anyways, so he's here, in my class. He's in all my classes. We eat lunch at the same time. He's like this shadow that follows me everywhere.

Plus, the way he acts is so discomforting, it's actually really hot. He's so, I don't know, mysterious. And standoffish. Girls are afraid to talk to him. Guys resent him too much to talk to him. The only things I've heard him say are impolite responses to girls' small talk or questions. One might think this something would turn most girls off, and for most girls, it does. But I'm not most girls. So, you can see my dilemma, me being in love with him.

My mom say's it's just a crush. Emi says it's infatuation. I say it's love, straight out. I didn't expect them to understand. Emi hasn't given a romantic thought about anyone. My mom is happily married to her plants. How could they ever get it?

How could they understand the way Kiryuu-san's eyes make me melt into an ocean surrounding nothing but him? How could they understand that I can hear his rough yet gentle voice from miles away? How could they understand that when I catch the smooth sound of his footsteps my heart beats about as fast as light? If I ever talk to him, I know I would die on the spot, because even when he's not speaking to me, even when he's not even speaking, just being there, I feel like my whole body will collapse with exhaustion because his aura is so compelling. It's like, I walked into class, and then DOKU. I was in love. I was never one for love at first sight, but Kiryuu-san definitely redefined my whole universe, let alone my views on things.

I really do love him.

However, EMI says it's nothing. I'll get over it in a matter of months. I tell her, EMI, I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HIM FOR 3 MONTHS NOW. But she laughs and redirects the conversation. I swear. She doesn't get it.

No one really does. Not even Kiryuu-san himself. He's too infatuated with Yuuki to care about anyone else.

Even though they're actually brother and sister. Technically. Well, not really.

I could say I hate her. I could say I want her dead. But I don't. Yuuki is an impeccable person. I won't confuse hate with jealousy. And I most certainly will not wish her death. What would that do to Him, I wonder? It would kill Him. I never want to see him so crushed. I'd rather he were happy with her, than miserably without her, and not taking offers.

She's his only—

"Hyui-san."

Wow. That's sounds like Him. It's the same…I look up.

And there He is.

He faces me, on my right, one desk up. He's leaning, whispering in my direction. His eyes, the loveliest shade of violet, His features, perfect in every way loom over and taunt my heart. Speaking of which, it's pumping blood so fast I feel I might burst.

"…by your foot."

I hardly catch this. He's pointing to my foot. Panic rushes through me.

Oh, no! I've stepped in dog poop, and—

Except it's not dog poop. Right beside my toe on my right foot, there is a pen.

It looks to me as something holy.

"Please, my pen."

I glance back up. He's frantic now, as Sensei is looking this way suspiciously.

But I cannot function.

Thank God for Emi.

She swoops down from the desk in front of me and hands the pen to him. I hear her say something but my blood is pounding my ears too hard. She smiles apologetically, and he returns the gesture with a cold stare, but instead of freezing my heart, it melts me into a billion droplets.

The rest of class is a blur.

I get up mechanically at the end, and I'm moving slowly. The rest have left. Emi is waiting. But I find tears obstructing my vision, and my blood is still pounding. I want to cry, as if talking to him was both beautiful and horrible.

Because it was.

Emi doesn't notice. No one does. I drag my feet to my next class, both dreading and yearning to see Him again.

I'm at the door. Emi is irritated. But I cannot go in. He stands there, staring out the window. Yuuki is talking to him, but he doesn't seem to be listening.

Suddenly, a pain grasps me. Not all of me, but I can't pinpoint where it did. It's as if a cold hand grabs my insides, twisting them all around.

I break into sobs. Dropping my stuff on the floor, I kneel, gasping for breath. My oxygen as suddenly disappeared. I can't breath.

Emi is the first to notice. She throws her stuff down and kneels beside me, calling frantically for someone. Nurse? Doctor?

By now they all notice. Yuuki, as the prefect, rushes over to help, her eyes fierce as fire. He is there, too, watching with wide-eyes.

Someone runs out, calling for the nurse.

_I don't get it. What is happening?_

I stare up at Him with pleading eyes. I don't know why. This is the boldest I've been. Suddenly, I realize that my prophecy is coming true. I'm dying.

I look down and sob more. But the more I sob, the less I am able to breathe.

I want to say something to him. My last words, I want them to be to him. I want to say, 'I love you.' He must know before I go. Yet, I can't get hold of enough air.

And then He stoops to me. He looks at me, his lavender eyes smoldering.

"She's having an attack!"

While everyone else's voice was dull and lack of sound, His voice was as clear as midnight.

He grasps me and abruptly puts me on my back. I do not know what he's doing.

That doesn't matter, though. The next thing I know, His lips are on mine, feeding my body with all it needs.

My body calms down, though my heart is still racing. My brain is flipping, and my stomach is lurching. I cling to Him as if He's my life force. He is.

The CPR is over, but I still hold him, crying into his chest. I will never let go.

And he doesn't push me away. Instead, he pulls me up and carries me to the nurse's office. I've stopped crying.

He lays me on a bed. He pries my fingers from his uniform, and as soon as I'm safely on the bed, he sweeps out of the room.

I do not notice Emi or Yuuki.

Instead, I gape at my fingers, still tingling from his touch. All of me is tingling.

_What just happened?_ I wonder. _I was going to die… and He saved me._

An aching void fills me because of his quick leave, gloomy absence.

I sob some more.

Emi isn't shocked. She gets it now. She understands, I can see it in the way she looks at me, such a sad love story in her eyes. Yuuki is baffled.

"Yuuki-chan. You can leave now," Emi says. It echoes around the room, which is too void of Him to hold her shaky voice.

Yuuki shakes her head vigorously, and she watches me defiantly as I am sent to the ER. Emi isn't excused, so I ride away with the nurse.

Orika-san, the nurse, is nice. She whispers to me how it will be all right. I wonder how this is possible.

"He is not here," I whisper back to her, over and over, the only words I can manage.

Orika-san is not stupid. She knows I'm talking about Him.

She stares sadly at me, her eyes displaying pity.

Later, when I am back in my own room, I weep some more. I detest not being with Him. By Him. Near Him.

I want Him.


	2. What I Did

((**Disclaimer: I just remembered to disclaim VK. Sorryyy! XD I don't own the characters. Except for Emi and Shinobu and any OC's**))

I wait outside the room as Hyui-san's friend and Yuuki talk with Hyui-san. I'm pacing. I don't know how, or why, but I know that Hyui-san was having some kind of… panic attack. I also have a gut feeling that I caused it.

I have no idea how I could've caused it.

But the scene in the classroom keeps repeating in my head.

I merely asked her to get my pen. Any normal person would've just picked it up. Like Hoshiko-san did. She was natural about it.

I didn't ask Hyui-san to _marry_ me, or anything.

It was a simple request!

"So why?!" I am angry with myself. _Why do I even care?_ I've barely spoken 3 words to Hyui-san before today. Not even that. Hyui-san is not my close friend. She is not someone I am romantically interested in.

So why, whenever I close my eyes, does her face appear behind my eyelids? I can come up with only one reason: Today. What happened today was a shock to me. That must be it.

I can't help remembering how it happened. She fell to the ground. She couldn't breathe. Everyone was in a frantic hurry for help. Yuuki looked worried. Hoshiko-san was terrified. Only one person paid attention to me. It was Hyui-san herself. She stared up at me with those big, emerald eyes, and I didn't see fear. I didn't see panic. I saw pain, but not physical pain. I watched her heart break through her eyes.

That's when I knew I had to save her.

I didn't know what to do, but since she kept gasping, I figured she needed to breathe. So, I gave CPR a shot. It worked for the most part.

She seemed to be traumatized. Only after I had begun to bring her to the nurse did she stop crying, and just took deep breaths and nuzzled into my…

No, she can't be in love with me. That's just irrational.

But, maybe, she wasn't taking deep breaths to calm herself. Maybe she was memorizing the smell of my clothes. Maybe she only stopped crying because I was holding her. Maybe, I really did cause her attack all because I dropped my pen!

The paramedics rush by me, into the room to carry Hyui-san off.

I wonder some more. Maybe all that heartbreak in her eyes was because…

I can hardly think it. What I saw in her eyes that moment, that very painful expression on her face… Thinking of it gives me icy chills of self-hate.

The paramedics come out, pulling her along in a stretcher.

I turn away, so she cannot see my face.

But if she really does love me, I know she recognizes me just by the way I stand.

After classes, I am with Yuuki. Yuuki doesn't look as though someone almost died. Only her eyes give that away. We are silent and still. A thousand words well up in me, but I hold my tongue.

"I can't believe it,"

Yuuki breaks the silence. I reply silently, _I can._

"Why would that happen?"

_Because Hyui-san loves me._

"Why must they all gossip about it?"

_It's exciting news for them._

"I wonder how she's coping,"

I nodded. _Me too._

"Even the Night Class know,"

_Apparently._

"Maybe she has a disorder,"

After a moment of thinking, rolling this over in my head, it suddenly came to me that maybe she really did have some disorder! Some disease! Maybe anything could trigger her attacks. It is a ray of sunshine for someone like me, who is wallowing in self-disdain.

"It might be cool if Kaname—"

_Ugh._

"—could turn her into a vampire. Then, she could live—"

"No!"

I surprise myself with a harsh tone. It isn't an option for me. That is never an option.

"There is no way," I growl.

Yuuki rolls her eyes.

"It could save her life. I mean, she's not always going to have some knight in shining armor to come to her rescue,"

"How do we even know it could help? She could live a while and still suffer from the attacks. Maybe it'll still kill her,"

Thinking that Hyui-san could die sends a cold shiver down my back. That same heartbreak flashes through my mind.

"It'd be worth the risk," Yuuki argues.

I shake my head and stay silent, signaling the end of the conversation.

Yuuki stares at me defiantly, but I ignore her hard glare and long to see Hyui-san. I want to know if she's ok.

Finally, I muster up the courage to visit Hyui-san. I find her hospital and room number. I only leave myself 30 minutes of visiting time so I can't stay long.

I stand in front of the door that is cracked open. Inside I hear a television on low volume, and I hear almost inaudible cries.

I wonder if I should go in.

But I have no choice, for Hyui-san calls out, "Who's there?"

Her voice is sad and drenched in tears. I can tell she's been crying for a while.

I go in. The first moment I see her, she looks like a pale ghost with dull red trusses and bland, green eyes. Her eyes are bloodshot and her nose is red, and I notice an almost empty box of tissues on the bed.

I glance at the T.V. almost wishing that it would be some sappy romance movie that women cry over. Instead it is a colorful cartoon.

When I return my gaze, I stare, jaw agape.

Hyui-san has made this biggest transformation I've ever seen. Her eyes are suddenly bright with happiness. Her hair seems to have returned to its state of fiery red. And there is a huge smile on her face.

All from seeing me.

"Ah, Hyui-san…"

She holds a finger to her lips and shushes me. She motions with her hand for me to go closer. I do. When I am close enough, she throws her legs over the side of her bed and wraps her arms around me in a tight hug.

I know she has plenty reason to do this, but I still stand stiff, shocked at the sudden touch.

I can tell that she understands why I don't return her token of gratitude.

Her eyes are still bright as she whispers to me, "Thank you so much,"

Her voice is hoarse and I know it's because of the crying.

I can't stand it anymore. She's so depressed, and I have an idea why. I furrow my brow and say, loud compared to her whisper, "I'm sorry,"

She looks confused.

"You… you're so… sad… I'm… I'm so sorry. So, so sorry," I cannot think of any other way to try to get her to understand it.

Her hand flits across my arm and she settles back into her bed. I take this as a sign of forgiveness. Also, she doesn't want to talk much.

I sit and I watch her. She watches me back.

Soon, I ask, "Do you have panic attacks often?"

She says no by shaking her head.

"So… why?"

Again, I see a sad, dull look in her eyes, but she only looks at me like this and shrugs.

"Hyui-san, I hope you—"

She waves her hand dismissively. "I know," she croaks.

"Please. Call me Shinobu."

I don't know if I can do this. That is what I want to say, but instead I nod.

I glance at my watch. 10 minutes left. I pull out a card and give it to her. She smiles beatifically. I smile a little before saying my quick goodbye. She looks a little let down, but she smiles and waves, "Goodbye, Kiryuu-san,"

I do not tell her to call me Zero. I cannot tell if this hurts her. I don't know if I want to hurt her or not.

So, I walk out, but before I leave I watch her. I watch as the sun rises on her face as she reads the card. And I watch as the darkness consumes her face, when she looks up, stares wildly around, and sheds a tear.

I don't want to watch her cry. I escape down the hall.

Only when I am out the door of the hospital, do I realize I signed the card, 'Love, Zero'.

((**AN: This time I proofread. '' Also, PLEASE, PLEASE, OH PLEASE, OHPLEASOHPLEASE review! I would LOVE that! PLEASE AND THANKYOU! :D**))


	3. Aftermath Part I

((**Disclaimer: I don't own VK, or anything related to it. I only own my OCs**))

_Dear Hyui-san,_

_I hope to see you well again._

_I am sorry for you._

_No need to thank me for saving your life._

_It was only my duty._

_Love, Zero_

I stare at the card. It the picture on the front is of a puppy next to a sign that says, "Get well soon," The note inside is just what I expected. He probably doesn't want to get in too deep. He probably will never glance my way after this. He probably never wanted to. Except for the 'Love, Zero' thing, I'm sure this note is harmless.

But I still love him.

I glance around the hospital room. He isn't there. A lithe tear slinks down my cheek, but I wipe it away. I refuse to cry. Instead, I place the note on the end table, and I turn to the T.V. I watch the cartoon for a while, but my mother and my doctor interrupt me.

Dr. Nobara clears her throat.

"We looked into your history. Turns out that Panic Disorder, a disease where the patient has panic attacks, is hereditary. We're not sure why you haven't experience panic attacks before this, but… you are now."

My mother looks sad. I can't imagine my own face.

I look at her.

She nods, "Your father's side."

I was just a few months old when my dad died. It isn't some sob story I grieve over, or anything. I see it as an unfortunate event, one that hasn't affected me as much as I've been told.

After hearing this news, I remain in the hospital. I will be able to attend school tomorrow.

((**AN: Ok, I KNOW this is really stupid of me. It may be really bad and end up a big mess, but I CANNOT continue to write in present tense! It's just overall easier to write in past tense, and I've given it a lot of thought. It is my fault because I shouldn't have started in present tense in the first place. Sorry if you preferred it present.**))

The next morning, when I walked into homeroom, a rush of whispers of gossip greeted me. I didn't feel the need to object to any of it, because I knew the truth.

Yuuki and Emi were there and ready to grill me. I told them all about it.

"Wow! Panic Disorder. That must suck." Yuuki said.

Emi was mostly silent, rolling it over in her head.

I never glanced at Kiryuu-san. I was afraid. I could feel that he was avoiding me. I don't know why, but I plan to return the gesture. It will be as if nothing ever happened.

I wanted to talk to him, though.

Classes rolled by like normal. No occurring attacks. No glances from Zero.

In study hall, however, he approached me.

"Uhm," He seemed lost in his quest to find the right words. "Hy…Shinobu, Yuuki told me that you have Panic Disorder?"

I nodded solemnly. I didn't look at him. I just continued to do my work. I'm not sure why. I could've looked at him, but I didn't.

"Well, uh, sorry 'bout that,"

Another nod.

"You have treatments for it,"

A statement. A nod.

"Good."

I didn't do anything.

"See you…. whenever,"

"Bye," I was almost shocked that the connotation of my voice wasn't, "Can't wait to see you!" but rather "Go away,"

He was distracting me. I think he got the message, the one I didn't know I sent, and he sort of shrugged and walked away.

I immediately regretted my harsh tone. Why did I say it like that? A simple goodbye would've been fine, or even a conversation starter. But I knew that a conversation would've made him uncomfortable, something I don't take pleasure in doing. I didn't glance up, though, to watch him walk away. The "See you…. Whenever," hurt enough.

Once I was back in the dorm, I chatted with Emi for a while. We really had no gossip to speak of, at least none that didn't revolve around my attack. It was surprising some of the things they came up with. Anyway, Emi still managed to make me talk about Kiryuu-san.

"Did he say anything to you today?"

I shrugged, but handed her the card. "He gave me the standard condolences, along with that. At the hospital."

She read it aloud and then grinned.

"_Love, Zero,"_ she taunted. I knew what she was implying.

"As if, Emi," I said, rather coldly. Emi frowned, but didn't say anything.

((**AN: I know it's really short, but I really want to write Zero's 'response chapter', as I've named it. I also know that this took a while to post. That's because my mom takes the laptop on her business trips, and I just got a chance. Sorry. 3 –Mimi**))


	4. Aftermath Part II

((**Disclaimer: Ix-nay on the own-ay**))

My hands in my pockets, I walked away from Shinobu. Something about her tone jabbed at my side. A few days ago, I'd actually thought that she loved me. Now she was giving me the cold shoulder. I saved her life, so what's with that?

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. Why would she ever do that? It really made me confused.

"Jeez, Zero, rude much?" someone snapped from behind me. I spun around to face Yuuki. She was glaring at me.

"Um, sorry?" I tried.

"I called your name, like, 5 times! What's up with you?" she scolded.

I shrugged and fell into step besides Yuuki.

"Did you notice if Shinobu was acting… different?" I questioned. Yuuki turned and said sharply,

"Different? Well, _duh_. She just found out she has Panic Disorder! Give her a break!" With that, she huffed away.

For a moment, I was a little dumbfounded, but then it hit me. Shinobu wasn't acting the way to me personally; she was acting that way generally. The realization made me feel better. Not that I should care. Others treat me worse. Why should Shinobu be any different? I didn't have time to ponder this. I had to get to my next class.

The day after started with no occurring events. I was sure that I wouldn't have to speak to Shinobu. I was wrong. She was constantly asking for my attention. I know now that the first attack had merely been a coincidence. As much as she was talking to me, you'd have thought she was my number one fan. She might be.

"Kiryuu-san, I saw that you made a low score on the test. I was ju—"

I knew it was Shinobu. After most of the day I'd actually memorized her voice.

"You shouldn't read other peoples' scores like that," I said dully.

"Well, your face gave it away. Anyway, would you like me to tutor you?"

When I spared her a glance I could see she was very hopeful. Her eyes shone brightly, making them a whole new kind of green. It was then that I looked at her, I mean _really_ looked at her. I never really noticed her before. But now, everything about her popped out. I'll just say that my eyes weren't sore.

"Sure," I heard myself say.

Now she gave off pure joy.

"Ok! Ok! Thank…I mean, see you later!"

She bounced away. I sighed.

"What have I got myself into?"

That night, as I was patrolling around the school, I bumped into Yuuki, which isn't all that surprising, but she looked frantic.

"Zero! There you are! Where do you _go_… Never mind! I just spotted Aidou and Kain!"

This also wasn't very startling. They usually went through classes at this time.

"I mean, _out_ of class! With two _day _class students!" she added, reading my mind.

That got my attention. I managed to rush to the scene behind her. What I found could've been solved easily, had Shinobu not been caught in it. You could tell she didn't mean to be there; she wasn't equipped with her camera or autograph book. Instead, she seemed to hold a day planner.

It suddenly occurred to me that she wanted to plan our study group thing. Angry at both my stupidity and her carelessness, I stepped in.

Shinobu was in front of her peers, with Aidou standing dangerously close to her. She looked like she was about to die of a heart attack.

Which, I remembered, was actually probable.

I stepped between them, pushing Aidou back.

"Excuse me," was all I said.

"We weren't doing anything wrong, were we?" Aidou asked snidely.

"You should get back to class," I replied coolly.

Yuuki was talking to the day class students behind me. Shinobu was still behind me. I could feel her there, peeking around me.

"Let's go, Aidou, we're missing my favorite subject," said Kain.

Aidou chuckled, but began to turn away.

"Oh right," He turned back. "Excuse me, I'd like to say something to the lady,"

I blinked, but let him see Shinobu.

He winked at her. "I'll be seeing you later, Shinobu-chan."

The back of my neck turned hot with anger. I knew my eyes flashed as I hissed,

"Leave," so only a vampire could hear. Aidou grinned, and he and Kain left.

When I turned to Shinobu her blush was still there. This made me even madder.

"What the _hell_ are you doing out here?!" I snapped at her.

All she did was flinch.

"You know the rules! Day class students are to stay in their dorms in the evening! Why would you break them?"

"I wanted… to plan the tutoring," she said feebly, holding up her planner.

"That couldn't have waited until morning?"

She had an answer, but she wasn't giving it up.

"Well, you can forget the tutor thing,"

She gasped.

"It's just that," I began. I heard her gasp again.

"You can't break the rules for something so small," More gasps as I ranted.

I glanced around as I took a moment to breathe. Yuuki had taken the other ones back. Shinobu and I were alone in the courtyard.

"Anyway, you shouldn't have…"

It was then, as she gasped again, that I realized what was happening.

She was having a panic attack.

((**AN: Ooh, cliffhanger! Don't worry, though. It won't take me but a bit to have the next chapter up. **))


	5. Two Attacks, One Break Up

((**Disclaimer: I wish.**))

((**AN: Btw, if you thought the Idol/Wild scene was that one in the manga, then it's not. I realize now that it seems like it, but I didn't mean for that to happen. XD It's much more closer to the time where a certain someone turns into a certain something ifyaknowhatImean. Huh? Huh? ;D elbows reader Doyacatchmydrift? ;3**))

"_How do you tell the man you love that you love him without telling him you love him?"_ I asked myself in response to Kiryuu-san's question, "That couldn't have waited until morning?"

"Well, you can forget the tutor thing,"

Maybe this caused it, or maybe it started before. Either way, I was gasping for breath before I knew it. The same gripping pain came over me, as anxious thoughts flew through my head. My knees buckled the same way they had before, but this time strong arms caught me. I knew it was Kiryuu-san. His face was perfectly clear as he laid me back for what I guessed was CPR.

Which was why I could see him cringe. My first thought was, "_I'm too fat!"_ but I stopped thinking entirely when he dropped me backwards. My hands flew behind me to catch myself, and I fell comfortably in a sitting position. My breathing was reverting back, though; it was a false alarm. Zero, however, was kneeling in front of me. His hands were holding him in a hunch over me. If he moved one of his hands, he'd be touching my hip. The closeness didn't scare me, but my heart was beating wildly in my ribs.

Kiryuu-san was coughing. He was coughing so much that I was very frightened for him. He actually coughed blood.

At this point, my first instinct was to hold him, to comfort him. I didn't think he would like it, but what else could I do?

He was looking down, so his silver-white bangs were hiding his face. I brought my hand around and brushed his bangs away. He clasped my wrist in his hand, facing it upwards, so my veins were visible.

"Zero…" I whispered, forgetting all honorifics.

And then a small, black box whizzed by. It hit Zero's hand with a loud _crack_. I gave a small shriek of shock and pulled my hand away. Zero backed away, grabbing the small box.

I caught sight of his eyes. They reflected a cold, blood red color.

I only saw one second off his eyes before he stood, turned swiftly, and staggered away from me.

Tears pricking at the back of my eyes, I shot up and started to follow him.

"Leave him,"

Shocked again, I twisted to face the voice.

I saw Kuran Kaname.

He stood very darkly a few yards away from me. He was rolling another black box through is fingers. If it was anyone else, I still would've chased after Zero. But this was Kuran-sama. He was a night class student, head of the Moon Dormitory, and besides that, he had a commanding air around him.

"What… why… what was that?!" I cried.

"It is not my story to tell,"

"But… but, what did you do to him?" My tone was very accusing.

"Calm down. He'll be fine. Zero'll be in class tomorrow."

True enough, Zero attended class. He wasn't really there, though. He seemed invisible. He also looked gaunt and tired. I could only assume this was because of yesterday.

I wanted answers. It was obvious Kuran-sama wasn't going to give me any, so that left two choices. I chose the easier choice, Yuuki. I figured she should know something.

"Yuuki-chan?" I said in study hall.

She smiled up at me. It made me feel uneasy.

"I was just wondering… Last night…"

"Oh, the day class students were taken care of, and Aidou and Kain were punished. Did Zero get you back ok?"

It was painfully obvious that she knew nothing. But I had a faint hope.

"About that," I began. But none other than Zero interrupted me.

"Shinobu."

My eyes flickered to his pale yet beautiful face.

"Z…Kiryuu-san, hi," I sputtered.

He glanced between Yuuki and I. I could tell he was wary. He did not want me to tell anyone, not even his precious Yuuki, about last night's incident.

"I'd like to speak with you,"

I nodded, and followed him outside to the hallway.

"So, Kiryuu-san, what's up?" I said, a little too casually.

"First of all, drop the 'Kiryuu-san'. I'd be more comfortable if we both called each other by out first names."

"Oh… ok."

"Second of all, nothing happened last night."

"But," I protested.

"No. Whatever you saw, whatever we did, no one knows about it. Kuran has also decided to keep it secret. You will, too."

"I want to know what happened!" I demanded.

"I can't tell you, ok? You just can't know." His voice was very firm, and I noticed that there was no trace of red in is eyes as he stared me down.

"And, I hate being so blunt, but we have to stop… talking so much. It needs to go back to the way it was before."

If I could be hurt anymore, if I could be snipped into pieces by scissors in Zero's hand, that would've done it. I was too hurt and stunned to cry or protest. I just stared at him blankly.

"It's for the best," he said lastly.

It didn't take him anytime to leave me, broken and alone, standing in front of the classroom.

((**AN: So tired. So sad. Dang that Zero. Oooh weell, you'll see in chapter 6.**))


	6. How To Save A Life

((**Disclaimer: No own-y.**))

((**AN: This is actually in Zero's POV, so you don't get to see Shinobu's full reaction till 7, but it hasn't been taking me long, lately, to post chaps. This chapter will start the day before the so-called 'break-up' XD**))

I laid my head back against the tree's trunk as I took large gulps of air.

I was confused. Not because I just had a craving for blood, that was bound to happen, but because Shinobu was having an attack. At least, I thought she was. Though I could only remember bits and pieces, I was sure that was what was happening. Maybe she was faking it? Why would she do that?

The image of her wrist was burned in my mind when I closed my eyes.

Thankfully, the pill was doing what it was made for; it was slowly but surely calming me down. I wanted to see if Shinobu was ok. I must've scared her. I stood straight and turned to leave.

"Don't bother. I sent her home," I heard Kuran. He stepped out of the shadows, a grim expression on his face.

"Is she ok?" I asked.

"Yes. However, she won't be if you stay around her,"

It was true, but the words left an ache in my stomach.

"You should stop seeing her,"

"I'm not dating her," I said weakly.

"I didn't mean that,"

"What _did_ you mean? You want me to stop interacting with her completely?"

"She was fine before you started up her panic attacks," he consented.

"_I_ didn't do anything!" I exclaimed.

"Not intentionally. None of it was really your fault, yet you caused it. Anyway, I have a request,"

I glowered.

"I want you to stay away from Hyui-san. We both know she is safer that way,"

I did know, and I agreed it was best.

Before I went to bed, I suddenly remembered something about what had happened.

She said my name. They way she said it was not scared or angry or sad. It was something completely different.

I realized that my name in her voice sounded flawless.

I wasted no time breaking it to her that we were going to stop talking. I figured the quicker I did it, the less pain she would endure.

I'm not going to lie. I grew attached to her. I'm also aware that this should never have happened. She really was in danger while she spent time with me. For this I will never stop being angry with myself. I was becoming what I despised most.

My day after study hall was very monotonous, but I survived.

Patrolling the grounds after classes went uneventful besides a small nod from Kuran signaling he'd heard about what I did with Shinobu. Which surprised me. I had no idea that rumors spread so fast.

"Not rumors in general. Just rumors about you." Yuuki told me while we finished patrolling.

"What does that mean?" I grumbled.

"Nothing. Just that you hanging out with a girl that's not me is big news."

I scoffed.

"Seriously, Zero. Ever since her panic attack, everybody's been buzzing about how you saved her life because you loved her, and all that. They were convinced you guys were madly in love,"

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. It's all over, now."

"Oh, so there was something?" she poked.

"No! Lay off, ok?"

"Just saying, but you seriously sounded depressed when you said 'It's all over, now' No suicide, 'kay?"

"You don't even know," I muttered under my breath as I walked back to my dorm.

It was really quite easy for me to avoid Shinobu. She seemed to be doing most of the work.

But she was taking it badly. She didn't even show up the day after. When I took the time to listen to all the whispers around me, I found that most were whispering things like, "Poor Hyui-san," and "He's such a jerk." Most of the guys glared at me. I actually heard one say, "She's so beautiful. Why would he ever let her go?"

Well, will you look at that? Shinobu has a fan club.

When I talked to the homeroom teacher, though, he said that Shinobu had treatments every other Tuesday.

Wednesday, Shinobu was there and she didn't look happy. She didn't look sad, either. She just looked bored. Bored and blank. It was if her facial emotions were broken. Many girls flocked around her, too. I suspected they were friends. They seemed to shield her. Some times, they would look around and glare at anyone who was watching. Or they would glare at me.

It took me a few days to realize that Shinobu was not denying the rumors about us.

I decided I wouldn't stand for this. So, in homeroom on Friday I approached her and her group of Harpies.

They were silent when I spoke. I could see Hoshiko-san wasn't watching me. She was watching Shinobu with worried eyes.

"Shinobu, can I talk to you? Alone?" My voice sounded like an avalanche in the Himalayas.

"We're not supposed to talk, right, Zero?"

Icy. Even so, my heartbeat pitched up when I heard my name come from her mouth.

"It's kind of important." I replied.

Shinobu's eyes narrowed, but she stood and told her Harpies to stay. She walked over to the corner away from the rest of the class.

"Are you finally going to tell me what the hell happened?" she hissed in a hushed whisper, even though I was pretty sure no one could hear us.

However, was it my imagination, or was everyone leaning in?

"Of course not," I admitted.

She was visibly disappointed.

"It's about the rumors that are spreading. Why aren't you denying them?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "Why aren't you? Besides, denying it only makes it worse."

"Maybe, but at least try. Everyone hates me now because they think I broke your heart, or something."

"News flash, Zero," My heart did that thing it does. "Everyone always hated you,"

"Not as much as they do now,"

She gave an exasperated sigh when the bell rang.

"Can we continue this?" she said. I noticed that her voice was pleading.

For a moment, I could see her. I could see Shinobu Hyui, the girl with a broken heart and a dying love. This was the girl I'd saved, the one I talked to in the hospital. The one who, if I'd had any doubt before, I was now sure was in love with me. I could see certain desperateness in her eyes. She so obviously wanted to talk to me.

"Lunch?" I had to give in.

"Sure," she said with a triumphant smile.

Lunch rolled around, and I met up with Shinobu. We sat distanced from everyone while Yuuki and Hoshiko-san kept the Harpies busy. I noticed she didn't have any food with her.

"Not eating?" I asked.

She shifted in her seat uncomfortably. Her eyes darted around as she shook her head.

"What, suddenly anorexic?" It was a feeble joke, but it broke the ice.

"No…" she said.

I glanced at Hoshiko-san. I observed that she brought more than one girl could eat.

"Hold on," I said, standing and going to Hoshiko-san.

"Can I help you?" Her tone was flat, but it wasn't cold.

"Has she been eating?" I queried, getting right to the point.

"No," she confessed.

"You're not going to eat all that. It's for her."

"Yes. I try to get her to eat everyday. She refuses,"

I nodded, and then gathered some food from Hoshiko-san's lunch on a plate.

When I arrived back to Shinobu, I placed the food in front of her. She just glared at me for a while, but eventually she began to eat. She didn't take a lot, though. I guessed that her stomach had shrunk, meaning it had been a few days.

"Why would you care what people thought, anyway?" she started.

"I don't, not really. It just gets old. I mean, your Harpies think tha—"

"My _what_? Zero, those are my friends!" she chastised.

"Sure, but they think that their purpose in life is to hate me,"

"I would, too, if I was secretly called a harpy!"

"Yeah, but they don't know I call them that. The point is that everyone hates me for something I didn't do. I merely said we should stop talking. I did not ask you for a divorce, I did not break your heart, and we were _not_ going out! I get so much crap everyday, you don't even know, and I would like for it to stop!"

My voice had risen at the end, but she still held a complacent look.

"Look, Zero, I'm letting this go on because you won't tell me what that was about. You can't… you can't do something like that and then tell me flat out that you're going to avoid me. Think about it my way, I'm damn confused. Whatever happened has been in my head for a very long time. I would like to understand it."

I was surprised and irritated. She'd manage to keep her tone level and hearing my name still made my heart beat faster. It was really, really getting old.

"That would be all nice and fine, except I can't tell you. You can't know. It's bigger than you and me."

"_Why_?" she requisitioned.

"I'm doing this to protect you." I granted.

"Fat chance!" She said, standing up. I looked up at her with beseeching eyes.

"But it's the only way,"

"Look, Zero, I am _not_ going to watch myself die!"

"Well, good, because you won't the way I've planned it,"

"Ha. Well, guess you failed at that one,"

She turned away and morphed into her group of Harpies, angry.

I was not exactly sure what her last words meant, but they made me feel guilty. I was sure, however, that she seemed to be quite alive. That could only mean that she was dying inside, which made me feel like a jerk. I decided that I would ask her what she would rather if we ever spoke again.

But I doubted that, seeing as I ran into Kuran that night.

"Well," he said when I crossed him. I didn't say anything.

"You said you were going to stop talking to her," he added.

"I did say that, and I did stop." I lied.

"That isn't what I heard," he replied.

"You know how rumors spread,"

"Why didn't you stop talking to her?"

His question didn't startle me, though I couldn't answer it.

"I don't have to answer to you," I growled.

"No, but you'll have to answer to her death,"

"Why are you so set on telling me I'm so painfully worthless and dangerous?"

"Because you are. I don't even like seeing Yuuki with you, let alone a human girl. You can't stick around her for your own selfish reasons,"

"She's not making it easy," I told him.

"Figure it out, or you both might pay the price."

The only thing I could come up with was telling her. That wouldn't work, though, because she'd want to stay close to me even more. There would be a larger risk if I told her. But what the hell am I supposed to do?

((**AN: It's back to it's long chaps. I'm going to be doing more and more research, so chaps might slow down. It took me a while to post this one because... well, I dunno. ;D See you in 7. -Mimi**))


	7. Cryptic Memories

((**Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own VK**.))

((**AN: …MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….ominous**))

I, of course, was devastated, to say the least.

It was only the inevitable, I told myself. There was pretty much no reason for Zero to pay any mind to my existence.

Besides being horribly traumatized, I was also furious. I know that what happened that time meant something, and I was determined to figure out what. There was no way anyone could shrug something like that off.

And Zero was equally determined to keep me away.

I knew it would take a lot of dirty work if I wanted to figure it out, since he wasn't budging. That's why I rounded up the girls. I call them my Ears. They have the best ears in the school. They hear everything.

I also dug into the Night Class. Aidou and I have been chums for a while. Except that he knows nothing. And that if he did, Kuran-sama would swear him to secrecy.

I mean, gosh. They take Kuran-sama so seriously.

I didn't really think the Night Class knew anything anyway. It was sort of a false hope.

The main source of my anger was the fact that Zero and I weren't talking. The main source of everything was that.

I stopped sleeping, and instead lay in bed with a worried mind.

I stopped eating, trading my appetite for sad lunches drinking water.

I overall stopped. I think I would've curled up and died if I weren't so set on solving the mystery.

It was not like I had a right to be so depressed. It would simply go back to the way it was before; when the only time I would speak to him was when he wanted me to retrieve his pen. I just didn't want it to go back. I was quite content with talking to him everyday.

But if he did decide to talk to me again, I was going to make it hard.

Our little chat made me angry, but what else is new? Everything he said either made me angry or sad.

When classes got out that day, I fully intended not to think about it. Only I wasn't allowed that option. I ran into them. By 'them' I mean Yuuki, Kuran-sama, and Zero.

It was on a landing. There were stairs leading up and down.

Truth be told, I was going to the Chairman's office. If anyone should know what's up with Zero, it should be him, right? It made perfect sense to me.

Be that as it may, the said trio stopped me. They didn't really say, "Hey, Shinobu! Come, join our party!" but rather it was their image.

Kuran-sama stood, very intimidating, with a very mad look in his eyes. The look was directed at Zero, who stood behind Yuuki. Yuuki was plainly protecting Zero. My brain couldn't comprehend this until I saw the blood on Zero's face.

At this point, I would've beat Kuran-sama with something had I been better prepared.

Then I saw the red eyes. By this time, they had detected me, so they were looking at me. Kuran-sama looked angry still. Yuuki stared at me dumbfounded. And Zero's red eyes shone out.

"Whoa." I mumbled.

Then, Yuuki fainted.

Kuran-sama's eyes flicked to her as she fell. Zero caught her. I could tell Kuran-sama wanted to say something, but he returned his gaze to me. He was trying to tell me to leave.

But I couldn't do that.

I glanced at Zero. He looked ashamed.

"What…? What's going… huh?" I stammered.

When I looked at Yuuki, I saw blood on her neck. Which explained the fainting. She'd lost a lot of blood. Zero had blood on his hands, too. And Kaname was clean.

This registered in my brain as completely and utterly ridiculous.

"Shinobu…" Zero said. His gaze was lowered to the ground.

"You might want to leave, Hyui-san," offered Kuran-sama.

I suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline. Maybe it was the blood, or maybe it was the way Kuran-sama glared at Zero, or maybe the fact that Yuuki was losing blood, but I suddenly snapped,

"Kuran, shut up!" It was a shock to even me, but I didn't stop there. I dashed forward and took Yuuki and began to drag her up to the chairman's office.

"Stop! Hyui!" called Kuran. I ignored him, and dragged Yuuki to the Chairman.

Surprisingly, Chairman Cross wasn't shocked. He just took her and told me to go to my dorm.

I couldn't really disobey, so I shrugged and began to walk away. Kuran flew by me at one point, but I wasn't paying attention.

I found I was crying. Just tears, streaming down my cheeks. I had this fake smile on. When I reached the landing, Zero was gone.

This was the last straw. I fell to all fours, bringing a vase with me. It crashed from its spot on the end table with a loud, echoing crack. I watched all the porcelain pieces swim on the floor as I sobbed.

I'm not really sure how, but I woke up in the infirmary.

Then it occurred to me that someone carried me. And guess what? That someone was Aidou.

"Well, sunshine, I do believe you're awake." He mused when I opened my eyes.

"Evidently," I mumbled, sitting up.

I have become quite comfortable with Aidou. It was almost like with Zero, without the awkward love part. I'm quite sure we both have a mutual feeling of friendship-for-now for each other. He's proved to be somewhat… caring, underneath the narcissism.

"See, I found you wailing on the floor surrounded by broken pieces of some vase. You didn't say much, but I couldn't just leave you there, right? So, right when I got here, you had this amazing panic attack, but we were already here, so it was like, 'Pfft. What attack?'"

I nodded. I only remembered some of that story, but I knew it probably happened.

"Any idea why I was crying?" I asked. He shook his head, smiling.

"You kept saying 'That's ridiculous,' over and over. Maybe you thought the vase was so ugly it was ridiculous? It _was_ kind of blah,"

I didn't have another answer for this, so I had to agree. Of course, he was joking, but he only replied with a smile when I said, "I guess,"

I had this feeling that something more happened, but how would Aidou know? He appeared after the scene.

"What day is it? Saturday?" I asked groggily. I couldn't seem to rub all the sleep out of my eyes.

"Yup, no school for you, Nobu."

Nobu was the nickname he gave me. I just called him Aidou, though I can think of many names for him.

"Kay, well, when do I get out of here?" I wondered.

"Now, if you want. I'm tired though. See you, Nobu."

"Yeah, Aidou."

After my talk with Aidou, I retreated from the infirmary to my dorm. I had no idea what to do with myself. I kept racking my brain for the memories of the night before, but nothing came. Just a bunch of broken vase. Why was I crying? I know I saw something. I didn't know what to do to remember, except go back to the scene of the crime.

When I arrived, nothing came. So I sat next to the now empty end table and thought. I thought really hard. Despite all my attempts, they were in vain.

Eventually I had to go. I wanted to greet Emi at the dorm.

We talked about what happened. She knew less than I did, and I didn't expect more. I just really wanted to remember what happened. I felt like I got all I could out of Aidou, so I decided to give the Chairman a try.

"Wait," I said to myself. I had been on my way, and I stopped on the landing. When I thought about it, a snippet of something came back.

I was doing the same thing yesterday, going to see Chairman Cross. And… something had stopped me. But what was it? I do remember seeing him, but not for the reason I had originally wanted. There was something else. For some reason, the color of blood came to my mind.

And that didn't explain the crying.

Maybe I _had_ asked the chairman about Zero. And maybe he told me something… something that would break me. With a small gasp, I launched myself up the stairs to the office.

"Cha—" I began, about to knock on the door, but I stopped when I heard Kuran-sama.

"It's lucky we erased it before she woke up," he said.

"Lucky. It has all been very lucky," I heard the chairman.

"Maybe back then. But now it could ruin everything." Kuran-sama sounded grim.

"They are bound to remember each other eventually,"

"Exactly, then they'll have to do what we stopped."

"No. No, I think that their bonding has done some good,"

"That hunter never planned on keeping them both. And who knows? Perhaps they'll remember their rivalry and turn against each other," Kuran-sama sighed, a long slow sigh.

"I don't think she's capable of doing that. For years she has held a very deep passion for him," Chairman Cross was talking quietly now.

"Well, that could be a side effect. It could vanish when they remember."

"I don't think so,"

They were silent for a while, and I had to choose between knocking and running. In a current state of confusion, and a strange opposing feeling to Kuran-sama, I turned and walked back to the landing.

I didn't understand any of that conversation. Nor did I think I was supposed to hear it. So, instead of obsessing like I normally did, I pushed it to the back of my mind and made for my dorm.

((**AN:…MUAHAHAHAHHAAAA!! BWAHAHAHAHAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHAA! I cannot wait to see your reactions!! It's gonna be AWESOME. KYAAHAHAA! Also, I want to give a shout out to glozinga for being there since the beginning! D –Mimi** ))


	8. Hi Daddy

((**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight**))

((**AN: Big chapter. ;) Oh, and it's in Shinobu's POV. It was an accident, though. I had already written half of the chapter before realizing I had written it in Shinobu's POV. Sorry. I think it's better told in her POV anyway.))**

I didn't tell anyone about what I heard. Thinking about it only made me get a headache. I couldn't find myself actually wanting to know more. Something told me that it would cause a lot of heartbreak.

I did, however, crave Zero's attention more than ever. And just when he started to really avoid me. If I ever caught him alone to talk, he just looked ashamed of himself. He also said, "I'm sorry," occasionally. Though I didn't understand what he had to apologize for, I liked listening to the way his voice sounded.

I didn't feel very good, either. I had headaches and migraines. If I thought too much about Zero then I got a stomachache. I rarely ate, but only because I constantly felt like I was sick with the flu.

Even sleeping was hard. I started having nightmares I did not understand. They were all mildly different, but each had one thing in common:

There was always a monster that looked kind of like a vampire.

One dream even had Zero in it. He was the monster. I woke up in the middle of a panic attack. Emi was there and she got me calmed down.

Overall, I felt about an inch from death both mentally and physically.

After a while, I decided that if I did not have an actual conversation with Zero I would become the living dead.

That was hyperbole, but I _felt_ that it was true.

Accordingly, I went out to search for him. I didn't find him easily. In fact, I didn't find him much at all. Instead, I heard a loud splash. It occurred to me that maybe some students were out playing in the pool. Though it was a bit hypocritical of me, I decided to get their names for Yuuki. On my way there, I also heard a gunshot. I moved quicker.

Except it was Yuuki. It was both Yuuki and Zero, and someone I did not recognize from far away.

All I knew was that the man held a gun, and Zero was holding his shoulder. I could faintly see blood.

My brain went into plan mode, but my body attacked.

I was there in a flash, kicking the gun out of the man's hands and into the air. This left him momentarily shocked, so I took that chance to jam a fist in his throat, sending him backwards. I still had time to catch the gun, stand in front of the man, and aim it at him and say threateningly,

"I don't know how the hell I did that, but if you so much as move I will kill you,"

The man laughed, surprisingly. I didn't flinch, but I couldn't help wondering why anyone would laugh while looking down the barrel of a gun.

That's when the man looked up at me, coughing slightly.

"That's how I raised you,"

I took a step back. I was going to deny it, saying my father was dead, but I didn't have a chance. A rush of thoughts slammed into my head.

I dropped the gun, and took another step back. This time, I began to fall I into the pool. There was a slosh, and I fell into someone's arms, preventing me from falling under. I knew immediately whose arms they were, so I didn't jerk away. I let the memories flood my brain.

I was Shinobu Touga. I was a hunter. Zero was my rival. And, finally remembering the night with the vase, he was also a vampire. The hunter became the hunted. Literally. I remembered certain memories that included a younger Zero and a younger me, training, bickering, and hating each other. And then I remembered my last test.

I was supposed to kill Zero. It was the same for him. Whoever lived passed the test. It was cruel, but I remembered both of us were committed.

Until the Kiryuu family was attacked. After that, they erased my memory. I distinctly remembered being told, 'It will be as if all of this never existed.' I was also informed that I was erased from Zero's memory. He was sent to live with the Chairman, and I was to be fostered. And then they put us in the same school.

I'd ended up in love with him, too. The rival whom I was supposed to kill became the one man I'd ever love. He didn't know anything about me. But I guessed that he now remembered for he snarled,

"Shinobu Touga," in my ear.

I felt a very wide range of emotions. I felt everything from hate and disgust to love and pleasure. I didn't know what to feel, so, in occurrence to his tone, I yanked myself out of the pool, and turned to face him.

He wasn't glaring at me. He looked as startled as I was that we were opponents.

"Ah, I see you've met," my father said in a patronizing tone. "My two students. Good to see you both hating one another again,"

He wasn't really my father. My parents died when I was small, and I was orphaned. Yagari happen to see me and wanted me for his daughter. More like his student, but he did raise me as well as he could. He also set me against Zero all my life.

"Why has it turned into this? That's why I say I hate Vampire Hunters!"

We all turned and stared as the Chairman came. He said something about Father's gun, and then offered help to Yuuki and Zero who were both floating in the water.

When they were out, Yuuki asked Yagari,

"Who are you?"

He replied, "I am Yagari Touga, Vampire Hunter, sensei to Zero and a father to Shinobu. Isn't that right, kids?"

"Yes, sir," we said in unison. It almost made me agitated that we spoke together.

"Yuuki, go back to the dorm, ok? I've got this." I heard the chairman say. Yuuki was reluctant.

"What about Shinobu-chan?" she asked.

"She's… got her own business," he replied.

Yuuki stared defiantly at me. She obviously didn't think it was fair that I was not being sent back.

"Yuuki-chan, please tell Emi I'll be back later," I requested.

Good old Yuuki. She gave me a small smile and turned to leave.

The chairman and Father escorted Zero and I to Chairman Cross' office. It was a very silent walk where everyone, except maybe my father, decided the floor was the most decorative thing ever.

In the office, Cross took Zero to the other corner while my father gave me a pep talk.

"Well, well, well. It's good to see you," he started.

I had to admit that I was happy to see him, too.

"Hey, now that Zero's a vampire," I cringed when he said this. "It'd be justified to kill him, eh?"

I didn't even think that for one second. I was too far-gone to picture myself killing him.

"I can't kill him, Father," I muttered. He looked thoughtful for a second. I thought maybe he was trying to think of something to reason with.

"It was so cute when you called me Daddy," he told me. I was shocked that something so trivial would cross his mind at such an imperative moment.

"Ok, but that's beside the point," I said.

"Look, I can't see why you can't kill him. It's your duty," he growled.

"Daddy," I said, hoping that would soften the blow. "I… Daddy, I _love_ him!"

I think I said that too loud, because I could see Zero's eyes from across the room, staring at me. He wasn't surprised; I think he already knew. Like how I knew he was a vampire before I remember the vase night. My heart beat hard and fast as my eyes connected with his. I wasn't paying attention to what Yagari was saying.

"Shinobu," he snapped at me. I jumped and returned my gaze to him.

"If you can't kill Zero then I guess you fail,"

It suddenly occurred to me that if I wouldn't kill Zero then he would kill me.

((**AN: No comment. Writing next chapter. Hyped up on adrenaline. x ))**


	9. Make Love, Not Bloodlust

((**Disclaimer: I don't own VK**.))

((**AN: Well. Not much to say. GET ON WITH IT, MIMI!**))

"I _love_ him!"

My eyes snapped from the floor to Shinobu. Though I didn't hear whom she was talking about, I had a feeling it was me, at the risk of sounding conceited.

Almost in answer, she swept her verdurous orbs over mine. She held my gaze for a while and then turned away from me.

I didn't hear the rest of their conversation, but I noticed that a few seconds later her eyes widened. I heard her gasp.

The Chairman heard it, too, because he glanced at her. I wondered if he told Sensei about Shinobu's Panic Disorder.

After a few moments I knew she was having one.

I pushed past the Chairman and called her name. She stared at me, shocked and scared. She hadn't seemed that scared since the first time she had a panic attack. This led me to believe this was worse than normal.

"What's going on?" I heard Sensei ask. The Chairman answered him, still in the corner, but I didn't hear him.

"Shinobu, look at me," I said, calm and even. I wanted to calm her down without CPR.

"Please, please don't kill me, Zero," she pleaded.

I was shocked at first, but it didn't take me long to remember that our last test was to kill the other. I knew then that that panic attack was induced by Sensei. Shooting him a glare over my shoulder, I picked Shinobu up and carried her away.

I didn't take her to the infirmary. Instead, I took her down to the stables. I didn't exactly understand, but I wanted to talk to Shinobu alone.

I got her calmed down, though it took a lot of 'I'm not going to kill you!'-s, and I asked her why I would ever kill her.

"The test," she said, still a little breathless.

She was sitting next to me, just inside the stables. I'd found a clean blanket and given it to her to keep her warm. Amazingly, and that's sarcasm, it had found it's way around both of our shoulders.

"That was years ago, Shinobu. I can't imagine killing you now," I replied.

"Yeah, but…"

"For the thousandth time, I'm not going to kill you." I finished.

She was silent for a while, and I looked at her. She was smiling.

"What are you smiling for?" I grumbled.

"Nothing," she answered, shrugging. "I'm just happy I'm not dying anytime soon,"

She played with my jacket, which I had taken off in an attempt to stay warmer. She took out the tablets and pulled on out. Peering at it quizzically, she asked,

"What do they taste like?"

"Horrible," I said curtly.

"Like blood?"

"No, blood is so much…" but I trailed off. I didn't want to talk about it. She nodded.

"Zero."

I looked down at her. I couldn't help noticing that she was a full head shorter than me.

"I have a secret to tell you," she added.

"We're alone here, so…"

She shook her head and mouthed, "The horses." I decided to humor her, and bent over a little to let her whisper.

I was incredibly bewildered to feel her lips on mine. My first instinct was to pull away, but I decided that my second, the urge to kiss her back, was better. It was going great until I felt my throat go dry, and I could practically _feel_ her blood coursing under her skin, warm and luscious…

I brushed her neck with my hand, and broke the kiss to move my mouth to her neck.

She blatantly grasped what was happening, because she pushed me away, and threw the black box at me fiercely. It bounced on my shoulder, which made me say, "Ow," stupidly. She rolled her eyes and said angrily,

"That was stupid," She was probably talking about what had just happened. I didn't say anything and instead swallowed a pill.

"Wouldn't that work better with water?" she asked innocently.

"Shut up," I growled.

"Well, sor_ry_,"

We were both quiet for a few minutes. I was sickened that I had even thought about drinking her blood, and she was most likely angry, too. We were both absorbed in our thoughts.

"I'd love to try that again, but I'm kind of scared now," she admitted, breaking the silence. She might have been joking, but I still felt really bad.

I turned to her and said, "You should go," just as she said, "I'm gonna go,"

She giggled, and I smiled a bit. Truth was, I didn't want her to leave, and I would have also loved to try the kissing thing again.

"Bye,"

She stood up, shrugging the blanket off, and left, a small but elated smile on her face.

Once I was heading back to my dorm, the chairman joined me.

"Zero, we need to talk,"

((**AN: Well. I am absolutely in love with this chapter forever and ever. It was kinda painful to write, but not the 'Ow, my toe'-painful or even the 'You're breaking up with me?!'-painful. It was the 'OMG! I'm going to the prom with -name here-!'-painful. Or perhaps, 'I just got my first kiss!'-painful. Whatever degree of pain it was, I will love this chapter until the end of time.-Mimi**))


	10. Barrier

((**Disclaimer: No own.**))

((**AN: Well... Hai. XD**))

I was taken over by this triumphant feeling when I left. There was also a bit of anger at the thought of being preyed upon like that. Actually a lot of anger, but it was masked by the float-y feeling of getting my first kiss, and with the guy I loved. Loved-hated. It's confusing, now that I remember my old feelings. The last episode had made me completely forget my old emotions.

Once back in the dorm, Emi wanted to know everything. I didn't tell her about the vampire part, but I told her about how I'd been reunited with my father and gotten my first kiss with Zero. She was bouncing off the walls, but her brow never un-furrowed from all the suddenness.

When morning came I had still not lost my confidence. I planned to stroll right up to Zero and command his attention. I hadn't planned the speech part, but I could wing it. I was deflated to find out that he wasn't in class. I didn't know what happened to him, but Yuuki pestered me.

"Where is Zero?" she confronted me, right after school.

"I don't know," I shrugged. She stared at me for a minute before protesting.

"Yes, you do. But they told you not to tell me, right? Jeez, why am I always out of the loop?!"

I blinked at her, startled by her sudden anger directed at 'they'. I shook my head and said, "Look, I don't know any more than you do. We could talk to Daddy, though. He might know something,"

She agreed wordlessly and I joined her to talk to my father. He looked quite irritated to see us.

"What happened to Zero?" Yuuki clearly had it under control, so I just sat in the background as to not anger my father.

"We isolated him," was my father's answer.

I didn't like how that sounded, but I kept my mouth shut.

Yagari didn't give up much, claiming that he was busy with class. I hadn't known he was a night class teacher. He slammed into the classroom.

"What now?" Yuuki asked me.

I ignored her and opened the door, just to stick my head in.

"Excuse me, Daddy?" I called, a phony smile on my face.

Yagari chuckled, "Yes, darling?"

"Where is he?" Still smiling.

"I'd rather _you_ not know," Still chuckling. My smile fell, a frown in its place. Daddy was still smiling, but his eyes were bitter. My blood ran cold as I sensed that Zero might, in fact, not be safe.

I left, closing the door lightly. I turned to Yuuki and said,

"Chairman." And I took off, angry and frightened, to find out where they were keeping Zero.

I found out where Zero was and told Yuuki, who left immediately. The Chairman kept me. I didn't know why but he told me to give Yuuki some time with Zero. Alone. This sparked up jealousy, something I hadn't felt for a few weeks. It occurred to me that even though Zero and I had a past, it was a bad one. Zero and Yuuki were closer, and I knew that she would want to know everything that includes Zero. I should not have been so worked up over this. After all, Yuuki was Kuran's favorite. And Kuran and Zero were natural enemies. This might prove to be troublesome in the future, but it allowed me to think calmly.

When I was finally released to see him, finding Zero's room wasn't hard. It was finding Zero that stumped me. I could not see him or Yuuki in the room, and I didn't suspect they were in the bathroom. But I tried anyway.

What I found not only repelled all love of Zero, but also any friendly feeling for Yuuki. And I suddenly wanted to shoot something, and Zero just happened to be there. I didn't have a gun, though, luckily for him. Because I felt a very, very large piece of my logical brain chip off, and I couldn't think rationally. So a gun would've been nice.

Very, very nice indeed.

Instead of making a big deal of myself, I stayed in the doorway inconspicuously, sorting out what I would say when I made myself apparent. Then again, I didn't really want to make myself apparent, seeing as I had a very closed mind right about now. I didn't really leave myself the choice, though, because the moment Zero decided he was full, he noticed me.

He should've been more surprised, or even apologetic. That was not the case. He was surprised, yes, but he didn't do or say anything. So I came to the only assumption I could. This, and the night before, had been part of a plan to kill me.

I thought about saying something, I really did. But any way I looked at it, I was always the one who ended up hurt and possibly dead. I seriously did not want to die, but I knew that I would never be able to kill him. So, I decided I would prolong the process, and turn away. I started to briskly walk towards...somewhere. If it was away, it was good with me.

By then, there was a thick wall between Zero and I that only time could take down.

I was very afraid to go to school the next day. I knew that one of two things would happen. He would be there and I'd be forced to talk to him, or he wouldn't be there and I'd be forced to find him to put my heart at rest.

And guess what? He wasn't there.

I really wasn't surprised. Why would he come, anyway? But I was still worried.

Very much so, when it seemed that Yuuki suddenly had an epiphany. She shot right up in the middle of class and bolted out. I wondered where she was going, so I jumped up and sprinted after her. I deemed her destination Zero's room. She was ahead of me, and I slowed to a walk to think about what to say. She reached the room before me, but I could see her open to door, and I could clearly hear two gunshots.

I just stopped. I stopped, about 20 yards from the doorway. I stood, completely stoic and immobile. I heard voices, but I did not hear Zero's. My father walked out of the room, but he halted when he saw me.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," he chuckled. I realized that I was probably pale.

"Then again, you might have, seeing as I've just killed someone," he added.

And that's when I decided there was no reason to live. But when he saw me sink to floor and begin to sob, Yagari sighed.

"I'm joking, you know. He's fine."

I stared up at him incredulously.

"What kind of father does that?" I cried. My father laughed and said,

"See you around, Shinobu." I muttered something about, "Next time I'll have a gun," but it was only a joke. Yagari disappeared around the corner, and I stood up.

I waited for a while. I was not ready to see him. But he came out, all the same.

"Shinobu," he said. It did not shock him that I was there.

"Zero," I nodded to him.

There was still a large gap between us. He walked slowly towards me, but I didn't move. He was walking past me, I realized. I couldn't let him do that. So, when the time was right, I grabbed his arm. He stopped consequently.

"Brutal," I whispered.

"True," he whispered back.

I let go, and turned towards him.

"Where do we stand?" I asked.

He thought for a moment, then answered,

"Separated by an invisible barrier,"

"Oh,"

And then he departed.

((**AN: I really hate this chapter. Being an emotional person, I cried a couple times. Dx I think I might be a little discouraged now, because it is really hard to squeeze in your own character. That's why my past fanfictions have died. :C -Mimi**))

((**P.S. I discovered the copy from word button! I am semi happier!**))


	11. Shots Fired

((**Disclaimer: No own VK.**))

((**AN: Maybe I'll start writing them Shinobu, Shinobu, Zero now. I don't really know. But this chapter is Shinobu. And I want it that way.**))

When I arrived back to my dorm, Emi was there. She handed me a note from my father and asked, "Do you have a secret life as a ninja, or something?"

I smiled and said, "If I told you then it wouldn't be a secret,"

She blinked at me, and then added, "Your dad…scary man… he dropped off that note. And it says he wants you to train some more…?"

I read the note, and the only word on it was 'train.' I realized I hadn't gotten in any training in a few years.

"I think he wants me to take down the yakuza one day. So, he wants me to go out and kill flying turtles from Greenland,"

Her eyes opened wide. She believed me.

"I'm kidding!" I laughed, and then went to the bathroom.

Despite my positive disposition, I didn't feel at the best of my moods. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I did not see the bright girl from before my days at Cross. I didn't see the girl before that, the one that was hard and cold. I didn't even see the naïve girl in love. I was completely mutilated.

"Who am I?" I whispered to myself.

Better yet, why am I? Why was I ever born? I could not see the reason. If I was to kill vampires, then that would be simple. For a moment, I saw the small girl from my distant past; the one who'd just lost her parents. I probably wondered then, too. But what choice would I have if I were 5 years old and an orphan?

I have a choice now. I could simply fall out of the picture and let Zero deal with his life, or I could force myself to stay in it. I knew that Yagari would push me to become a vampire hunter. Maybe then our paths would cross when this was over.

Oh, but ignorance is bliss. When I had the striking realization that Zero will fall to level E, I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and closed my eyes, leaving my face in my hands.

Sometime, probably soon, Zero wouldn't be humane any more. He would be a true monster then, killing innocent people. My dream flashed to my mind's eye, and I started. I couldn't let that happen. It was not only my job, but it was also something that I would do if I weren't a hunter.

I understood that I had to keep myself near Zero to protect everyone else. I couldn't love him unconditionally. Or I could, but I would eventually reap what I sowed. I can't love Zero, because if I did then I would fail at killing him when the time came.

Even though it would inevitably cause me more heartbreak, I had to force myself back into the picture.

I stood up and noticed I had been crying. I washed my face and then looked at myself one last time. Wondering who the new me would be, I plastered a smile on my face and walked out of the bathroom.

The days after that day were mild. I didn't talk to Zero anymore. The school was not a flame with many rumors. The students had calmed down.

There was a way I could watch Zero with out being close to him. I just noted him every few minutes. If I could detect the signs, and I should be able to do that, then I could get him. But Zero had a strong will. He might be able to hide the signs. Perhaps they didn't give signs when they dropped to level E. Perhaps they just decided one second to go on a killing spree.

That's why I had to keep close to him. I didn't know how to do that. He didn't look at me much, and he didn't talk to me. Neither did Yuuki. It embarrassed me to think about just talking to him. I had shared a kiss with him, yet I was still shy about something so spontaneous.

I also had to plan a time to go to the shooting range. I knew he'd be there, and that's why I did not want to go. It might be the best chance I'll get to rekindle the relationship we had. Eventually, I gave in to reasoning.

On Sunday, I went to the range. I was both relieved and disappointed to see that he was not there. I told myself he had some stuff to do, but the worry never left my stomach. What would he have to do? The past week had been the most boring week ever.

I didn't let that sidetrack me, though. I started shooting, and I stopped thinking entirely. It was a rhythm I liked. I didn't have to think about it, because I fell into the flow easily. I was unaware of my surroundings.

"Shinobu,"

I turned sharply, aiming the gun at the source.

"Jesus, Zero!" I gasped.

He stared at my gun apprehensively from the stall next to mine. "That's the last time I ever sneak up on you."

I lowered my gun and scoffed. "So you admit it?"

I observed that my heart was beating faster, and I was now nervous. When I started to shoot again, I would have to be cautious of him.

Shrugging, he aimed his own gun at the target and fired. I jumped when I heard the loud bang, proving that I was on edge now. I watched him shoot a few more times to stall. Before he was there, I had been doing pretty well, but with him next to me I didn't think I could pull off a good shot.

"You just going to stand there all day?" he said to me, before firing again.

I had it in my mind to snap something witty back, but I couldn't really think of something.

I turned to the target and aimed, but I felt like it was shaky. When I shot the target, it was only a little off.

"That sucked," I heard him say.

"Shut up," I growled, taking aim again. This time I could see clearly. Naturally, I was right on.

We were both mute for a long time. We were both shooting well, too. I heard Yuuki come in. They talked for a while, but I didn't listen. I couldn't really hear them over my own bangs.

When she left, Zero seemed angrier. He let a last bullet fly before saying, "I'm done," and grabbing his stuff.

_No!_ I thought. _I can't lose this chance to talk to him._

"Wait!" I said.

He turned to me. "What?"

I took my own stuff and followed him out of the range. "I need to talk to you,"

He shrugged.

We walked away from the range and wandered around aimlessly. I was wording my speech and trying to keep my resolution. Talking to Zero about killing him would be uncomfortable for both of us, but I think he was dealing well with his state. At least I hoped so. There was a lot I still did not know about him.

"When…when you turn into an E, who do you have to… do the job?" I said finally.

"Yuuki," he said slowly.

I doubted she would be able to do it. I really didn't know. She may understand the importance of killing him when the time comes.

"Are you sure she can?" I asked.

He didn't answer me right away. When I looked up at him, I could see that he had his own disbeliefs about entrusting her the responsibility.

"Who else could?" he wondered.

"I could,"

He stopped and looked at me. After evaluating me, he started to walk again.

"Well. We'll have to see,"

We continued along in a curved line, in no direction. We both didn't know what else to do. After about an hour of just walking, I decided that I needed to fill the silence.

"How are you doing?" I didn't not mean that as a casual 'How are you?' but rather a 'How are you coping with everything?'

At last he shook his head in response. I let out a deep sigh.

"That makes two of us," I muttered under my breath. I forgot that he could still hear me, but he apparently did.

"How so?" he questioned. I scowled in response, unprepared to answer. I could explain to him the inner battle I was fighting to find a purpose, or perhaps the heartache I felt over our blocked relationship, or I could tell him that I seriously don't want to kill him, but since it seems to be the only reason to be alive, I'm going to have to. But I didn't. I sat down on a bench and said,

"It's not like the grass is ever greener on the other side,"

He sat next to me and put his elbows on his knees. I felt cold, but it wasn't especially chilly outside. I occupied myself by twiddling my thumbs and staring at the ground.

Eventually, we both agreed it was getting kind of late.

"See you tomorrow, Zero," I said.

He hugged me. I was somewhat surprised he would show this act of affection, but I wasn't complaining. I returned the hug.

"Goodbye, Shinobu,"

((**AN: Well, this was kind of slow. But chapter 12 of VK is slow, too. Especially if you've already read it. -.- The only thing that keeps you reading is that fact that all the guys(or girls) are so SEXYY. XDD . They cause me heartpangs. Well I'll hopefully be seeing you in chapter 12! -Mimi **))


	12. Sacrifice Me

((**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight))**

**((AN: Ok, well… Chapter 13 of VK is something I could have easily slipped Shinobu into, but I decided not to. No real reason, just that I was determined to not have her in EVERY single moment of Zero's life. It makes her seem kind of Mary-Sue, doesn't it? Like, how Yuuki was there? I don't want to make another Yuuki. Anyway, the point is, she doesn't have to be in every moment of the story. Also, I think writing in Zero's POV right now would be kind of complicated. Pretend the barrier prevents me from going into his head or something. K That's actually a good excuse, heh. So, This chapter and maybe the next won't have a lot to do with the actual plot. Filler chapters, aye. But it might help you figure Shinobu out better. - Mimi))**

To tell the truth, I was having a perfectly good time going to school and training.

Emi was always my only real friend. The girls who talked to me after Zero and I had that fight just generally hated him. After I explained that we made up—sort of— they dispersed over the course of a few days. A couple did stick around, Chika-chan and Ayumu-chan. I even have a boy following me now. I'm only humoring him with eating together and everything, since I still love Zero, but he's become a good friend.

"Shinobu-chan?" I heard Daichi-kun call my name. I strolled over to the table he sat at. Ayumu-chan, Chika-chan, and Emi were sitting across from him, gabbing about the latest gossip. I sat next to Daichi.

"Hey Daichi-kun and my gossiping sisters." They smiled but otherwise said nothing to me.

"You're not eating again today?" Daichi asked me, looking down at the water bottle in my hand. I frowned as he added, "When are you going to get over him?" bitterly.

"This as nothing to do with him!" I snapped.

Daichi thought that the only reason we weren't dating was that I was still hung up on Zero. In a way, this was true, but it wasn't just that I loved Zero. I also didn't see Daichi that way. Besides, I wasn't really hungry.

"Yeah, ok…" he said.

Now that Daichi had reminded me about Zero, my eyes wandered over to him. He usually ate alone, of course. I almost joined him, but I decided not to put salt on Daichi's wounds. Zero looked at me, but I didn't look away. And then he stood and walked over, plopping down next to me, food and all.

I was shocked, Daichi tensed, Emi looked up worriedly, and the girls glared.

"I don't remember inviting you, Zero," I said sharply.

"I can read you like a book, Shinobu," He replied.

I let my mouth gape for a few seconds and then snapped it shut.

"Anyway, it doesn't matter. I have something I need to talk to you about," he added.

"Why didn't you catch me at the shooting range?"

"I just found out last night. I could tell you here, or we could make your boy toy aggravated,"

I eyed him suspiciously. I wanted to ask if he was slightly jealous, but instead I just said, "Shoot."

"You know the, uh, _company_ your dad works for?"

My eyes widened.

"Well, I got my first _job_ and I was just wondering if you wanted to tag along, since you haven't had yours yet,"

I was silent. So, even though Zero was a vampire himself, he'd been asked to hunt. I was stunned at how quickly they acted.

"No, I think you can handle it," I answered.

He shrugged. "Suit yourself," He glanced at my water bottle, and then shoved his food over to me.

"Here. Eat."

I knew he didn't need the food, so I obediently picked up eating. I remembered this wasn't the first time he'd gotten me to eat. I could feel Daichi's anger radiating off of him.

"Well, I'm ditching class. So bye," Zero left the cafeteria then.

Daichi noticeably relaxed. I thought he was going to make a smart remark or something, but he was unusually quiet. I felt guilty, but also like it was none of his business.

"Shinobu-kun!"

I turned and saw the Chairman,

"Oh! Hi!" I said, standing up and bowing.

"I need to talk to you in my office."

In the office, I was told that I was going to be a prefect.

"My kids need help, and you're the only one I can trust with something like this, being a hunter, and all. I must say, you remembering your past might be a big help,"

"Oh… okay!"

I accepted graciously, because I would now be able to see more of Zero, and even Yuuki.

I couldn't wait to tell them.

The next day, I joined Zero and Yuuki as they tried to keep screaming fan girls away from the Moon Dorm. I was just soon enough to hear Zero threaten some girl about making her cry.

"Oh please," I said. He glanced at me and asked,

"What are you doing here?"

"Why, I work here!" I exclaimed, showing him the band around my arm. I smiled obnoxiously.

"I see. Did the chairman hire you?"

I nodded, and then noticed Yuuki being pulled into the Moon Dorm by Aidou.

It didn't take Zero long to pull her back out.

"Yuuki-chan!" I waved. She noticed me and smiled widely.

"Shinobu-chan! You're a prefect now?"

I nodded again.

"Wow, that's going to be really helpful!" she said.

Some time after, I saw Zero skipping class and found some excuse to join him. He was leaning against a big tree.

"Zero!" I said, leaning on one side of the tree.

"Shinobu," he said. "You sound happy,"

"I am!" He couldn't see my face, but my voice was happy enough to substitute a smile.

"You've been happier since you became a prefect. What gives?"

"I get to see you and Yuuki more!" I exclaimed cheerfully.

"I suppose," he granted.

"Also," I added, my voice quieting down. "I can use irrelevant things like my happiness to talk to you like this,"

I don't know why, but I had a feeling he was deep in thought about that. Maybe it was because I'd said my own happiness was irrelevant, like he thought I was selling myself short. For him to feel that was probably too much to ask for. I was perfectly content with just telling myself that he cared.

My thoughts went back to the day my father shot at Zero. Zero had said we were separated, and that had hurt me. Our interactions were somewhat false. Except that I didn't care to hide that fact that I loved him now. I was sure he'd guessed that a long time ago. I imagined that if I'd never seen him feeding on Yuuki that we would have been closer. We might've been to the point where we actually acted like a couple. But then I would eventually find out, and I would hurt more in the long run.

I felt betrayed that Zero would submit to things a vampire would do. It's not like I could ask him to fight back. I knew that would be a silly request, seeing as he has fought it as much as he could. He can't really stop it himself. There was something he could do to put it off, but I couldn't remember what that was. My thoughts drifted to the thing I would have to do later.

I didn't want to think of this! It always happened, though. My brain was constantly raking things that pulled my heart, eager to rip it to shreds. It pained me every time to the point where I would cry. Emi knew, too. She knew I was depressed over something, and I couldn't keep telling her I was just having PMS! You can't have PMS that long without being pregnant. God forbid I be pregnant. The very thought made me want to laugh.

"Yuuki?" I heard Zero say.

I jolted into reality as I heard Yuuki slap Zero and say something about skipping class. I bit my lip and quieted my breathing to make my self virtually invisible to her, since she already couldn't see me. I told myself that if she punished everyone like that then I would hide until she was gone, but that was a lie. I really wanted to know how she acted with Zero when I wasn't around.

"I heard from the Chairman that the girl you saved is fine now," I listened.

"Are you relieved?"

"Not really," I heard Zero. "I didn't hunt that level E wanting to save someone. My will has nothing to do with it. It is just 'work'."

"If you say it," she began. "It's fine, but you're always taking things in alone. And you don't want to learn. Is that why you went alone?"

I continued listening with a grave look on my face.

"Who do you think would be worried most if you disappeared without a word about hunting a vampire? I thought you were running away from home. I followed you, and it did seem that way. I don't like it. I feel like you're going to avenge your family's death without saying a word to me."

"I don't have to tell you such a thing," he said in an undertone.

"Yes, you do." She countered.

I could tell that she wasn't exactly happy right now. I wasn't either, for a reason that was hardly fathomable to me. It was the whole conversation, really. It made me feel despair at how they did act together. They were kind of formal together, but Yuuki always discussed things that needed to be discussed, unlike me. I can't bring something important up without getting emotional.

"It's my duty to kill you, isn't it?"

Having it spoken like that so suddenly made me gasp, and for a second I thought I might be having an attack. But it past quickly when I realized I was just shocked. I had already known that she was asked to do that, but she sounded so serious about it.

"The gun is right in my drawer, so I don't forget the promise,"

Zero chuckled. "I guess you're right. It would be hard for you to fulfill that promise. But you're saying it like I won't strike you back,"

I smiled in spite of myself, but I knew he was protecting her. He thought that I would be there to kill him, when, in reality, she was more able. I could see that now, that I was much more fragile on the subject. She wasn't trained like I was, but she also wasn't in love like I was. Of course, it was better if I did it. I could protect myself better.

I felt like I had to sacrifice my heart to keep her safe. I was angry that I was being asked to do something like that, and I felt tears run down my cheeks. I had to sacrifice my heart to keep everyone out of harm's way. I didn't like how that sounded, them alive and well, unknowing about anything, with me dissipating away from the inside out.

Of course Yuuki and the Chairman and such would be in pain, too, but I couldn't help feeling that mine was so much more than theirs. And I was angered, too, by the fact that I had to be close to Zero. I was torn with distancing myself so I wouldn't hurt more, or being with him so much that it would feel like a lifetime, instead of just a few months. Either way, I had to keep a close eye on him to make sure I was there. I was blurrily aware of Yuuki saying something else, and then someone stepped in.

"Kurenai-san, is something wrong?" I heard Yuuki say.

I knew Maria Kurenai was the new Night Class student.

"I think I took it too far, and no one likes me now," I heard Kurenai lament.

It was quite sudden when I heard Zero pull out his gun. I jumped, but did the same, just in case. I wasn't ready to reveal myself just yet.

"No!" I heard Yuuki shout. "Without any reason, all of sudden… What's wrong Zero?" she added.

I figured he'd pulled out his gun on impulse. I wasn't sure what impulse, but I had a feeling it was under control. I put my gun back and listened.

"No… Who the hell are you?"

"Nice to meet you, I am Maria Kurenai."

I left after that, suddenly afraid I would get caught. I knew Zero knew I was there, which was probably why he found me later and asked,

"You listened to that whole thing, didn't you?"

I only nodded.

"Did you get any weird vibe from that Kurenai person?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. You pulled out your gun, so I pulled out mine in case I was needed. But Yuuki seemed to ha—"

"So you didn't feel anything from her?" he cut me off.

"Well, she seemed pretty eerie, like she wasn't completely sworn off human blood." I tried.

"No, it was different. Ugh, I thought maybe all hunters got it, but it was this weird feeling. I don't understand it."

"I'm sorry," I regretted. He shook his head and then walked away.

I was confused, but I had a feeling that this wasn't going to be good.

**((AN: Hey, it's been a long time, no? Sorry bout that. I was grounded. Anyway, I back for today and maybe tomorrow and then I'll be gone again. Sorry, again. I can't really help that. Anyway, I hop I see you again soon! -))**


	13. Dance Party

**((Disclaimer: of course not))**

**((AN: Yes, yes. I know. But I'm only coming back(I continued writing because I 3 this story) so my friend can read it. Yayness.))**

The day after, Emi, Daichi, and I were wandering the halls after class. Ayumu and Chika were, being true Night Class fan girls, distracted.

"ShiShi?" I heard Emi say. I knew instantly by her tone that whatever she was gonna say wasn't good.

"Who're you going to the dance with?"

I stopped. I remembered distantly that I had once dreamed of going to the dance with Zero. Now, while the idea still seemed great, I didn't want it as much. Dances were never my thing, and going with Zero probably wouldn't be any more fun than going to the range.

Facing Emi, I said, "No one has asked me. Nope. Not even him, because I don't think he likes dances."

Emi sighed over exasperatedly, and Daichi suddenly said, "So, you're not going with anyone?"

I nodded. For a second, I could see a shimmer of hope in Daichi's eyes that almost made me pity him. I didn't think this conversation was going to end well.

"Well… Would you like to go—,"

"Shinobu,"

I was grateful Zero had cut him off. I couldn't say no to Daichi, so I spun around.

"What's up?" I said.

"Shinobu-chan," Yuuki greeted me with a smile. Emi dragged Daichi away just as Yori said, "We were discussing the dance,"

"Really? So was I, with Emi and Daichi,"

Zero scoffed. "So, did Boy Toy ask you yet?"

I thought about telling him the truth, that he might've had Zero not interrupted. Or, I could say a different truth, like, "I hope not, I don't want to hurt him," or I could lie completely because Daichi was going to ask me anyway. I chose option 3.

"As a matter of fact, he did."

Yuuki and Yori fell silent, but Zero smirked. "I bet you said yes,"

I'm not that stupid so I said, "I haven't replied,"

Yuuki and Yori looked at each other.

A few moments later, after a short discussion with the class chairman, we heard some shouting. We all turned toward the sound to see Maria Kurenai and The VP of the Moon dormitory.

Zero went rigid. I watched him closely, looking for any signs of distress, but all he did was stare coldly at Maria.

Yuuki tried to go after them, but Zero stopped her. "Leave the new student alone. That vice president can handle her," His voice sounded normal, but his eyes betrayed his calm.

"Yuuuuuki chaaaan!" Suddenly, Aidou hugged Yuuki from behind, arousing lots of angered shouts from the girls. Ayumu was one of them.

I couldn't help laughing, but I stopped when Zero, serious as ever, proposed a chat with Aidou. They left, and Yuuki was chased away, leaving just me and Yori.

"So, uh, Yori…."

"You should go spy on Zero,"

I blinked. "What? Why?"

"I'm sort of curious,"

"Uh, ok."

Something about Yori's gaze told me to do what she said. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't scary. It was just compelling.

I snuck up just enough to hear, "What a rude fellow, to not refer to our pure blood queen with an honorific title. I guess it cannot be helped. She did cruelly murder your family," from Aidou.

I froze, unable to move after hearing this. I crouched and held my breath, hoping neither vampire would hear me.

"Kurenai is a really old, distant relative of Hiou. That's it. Is there a problem?"

I heard Maria's name and…Hiou. Shizuka Hiou. I remembered her now, clearly. She was beautiful, the last and only time I saw her. That was right before she killed Zero's parents.

"Isn't it because she changed her appearance that she hasn't been heard of for years?" Zero asked.

"I don't know," answered Aidou. "Only a pureblood would. More importantly, how are you feeling? Only you, the one with the bond, would know such a thing,"

I let out my breath.

There was only the wind for a while. But I did hear the softest of footsteps, and a cold chill ran up my spine.

I found Yori later and asked where Yuuki was.

"She's getting some help with Chairman Cross." I almost got away, but she grabbed my elbow and whispered, "What happened?" I knew fully well what she was talking about, and I managed to say,

"It's complicated. I'll say that it worried me,"

I pulled away and rushed to Cross's office.

Though I was looking for Yuuki, to ask her a question, I ended up bumping into Zero.

"Zero!" I was alarmed. There was a ravenous look in his eye. Not the kind that meant he was thirsty but more of an all around revenge look. He walked right past me and then paused.

"This is my fight, Shinobu."

"Fight?" I whispered. He began to speed away, but I caught his hand.

"What do you mean?"

My thoughts were of the discussion Zero had with Aidou. Zero must've suspected Maria of something. Aidou had said the Maria was distantly related to Hiou. And was the part about Shizuka changing her appearance part of his suspicion? Did he suspect Maria to be Shizuka Hiou?

"It's time to kill that woman," he hissed, confirming my fears.

I was about to object, but I was cut off. Zero had touched his lips to mine, in an almost placid kiss. I was stunned, obviously, and delighted, doubly obvious. I couldn't react at all and he slipped away, leaving me dazed, confused, and worried. I didn't follow him. No, not at first.

At smart girl never runs until battle unprepared. _Especially_ to protect the one she loves.


	14. The First Feeding

**((Disclaimer: yeah, uh-huh. you know the deal.))**

**((AN: lalala hi jessy))**

I banged into my room loudly, hurriedly, rushed. Emi jumped and said,

"What happened?"

I didn't answer. I ran to my desk and yanked the drawer. Of course, I'd locked it. I groaned and pulled out the key, almost too blind by tears to see the keyhole.

When it opened, I grabbed my best gun, the one with my name engraved on it. It hadn't been used since my father sent it, less than one day ago.

"You…You have a gun?!" cried Emi, shocked by the sudden weapon.

I ignored her, and loaded it. I grabbed extra bullets and stuffed them in my pocket.

"Wh-What the hell is going on?!" Emi looked terrified. I stared at her and sobbed.

"I have to go,"

Fleeing quickly and loudly in my anger, I ran out and went where I heard a gunshot.

When I arrived, I saw Kaname and Yuuki. I saw Yuuki go limp in his arms and I heard him whispering to her. It didn't matter. Their business was nothing to me at this point.

Kaname heard me, though I'd quieted down. He lay Yuuki down and turned around, grabbing me in the process.

"I can't let you do that," he whispered solemnly, as if he knew how I felt.

"What…" I huffed, sobs hidden in my throat. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about," His voice was soft, gentle.

"What does my safety matter to you? Now that Yuuki's safe, can't you just let me go?" I whimpered.

"No, it doesn't work that way,"

I bit my lip and stared through the small crack in the door. I didn't see Zero, or Shizuka but I saw red splotches on the ground. I could smell it, the blood, and I was getting sick from worry and it combined. Through the walls, I could hear Maria's soft voice. I didn't hear her words, but I hated them all the more. I waited, until Zero pitched forward, yelling in pain.

I went rigid, and then shoved Kaname away with a sudden burst of adrenaline. Kaname made no other move to stop me, though I don't think he would have been able to.

I was by Zero's side in a flash, hardly noticing Shizuka's cold presence. She said something. I wasn't listening.

"Zero," My voice was choked, but I managed not to cry.

He glanced at me, and then looked back at Shizuka as she finished her speech.

"The real nature of vampire's is savage and cruel. The same can be said for a vampire hunter, if I may say so." She stared at me, dead straight in my eyes, and I returned it with epic hatred. Then, Shizuka Hiou spun around and vanished. I did catch the sight of someone else, but I shrugged it off and returned my gaze to Zero.

He glared at me. I mean, really glared, like he hated me. My eyes only gave away confusion.

"You," he gasped, "Should…Leave. Now."

He sounded so angry.

But I wouldn't leave. I couldn't leave! Leaving him in this state might mean his death! I didn't know why he was acting this way, but I wasn't going to take it to heart.

Zero began to sink, pulling me to my knees.

"Shinobu…" he sighed. His warm breath tickled my neck, and I felt chills go down my body, a weird sort of chill that I've never felt before. I wasn't scared, or awed. These chills were different…

At first I'd thought he was going to cry. Though the idea seemed strange, it could happen. I wrapped my arms around Zero's neck and waited. For a second, he rested his head on my shoulder. But then he pulled away, too quickly for me to react.

I caught the sight of red eyes.

Part of me wanted to take my gun and shoot. In fact, most of me did. But a small part of me said no. Its answer was no to the thought of hurting Zero. So, I didn't.

My arm poised so that the gun was aimed directly at his head, my finger on the trigger, I felt Zero's teeth cut my neck. It was painful, but I made no noise. I let my arm drop, the gun clattering to the floor leaving an empty echo. I put my other hand on the back of his neck and waited. I waited, listening to him drink, and feeling a few drops hit my skin. I waited for it to be over.

Zero began to push me backwards. I leaned until my back hit the floor and he was hunched over me. I paid no mind to this, other than the fact that our sudden intimacy made my heart beat faster. Though, I realized it was beating weaker.

A few more moments, and my heartbeat slowed. I could count them.

_Thump._ Silence. _Thump._ Silence.

My sight blurred, and my head ached. I felt so weak that I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I closed, them and then…

My last thought was that Zero smelled really good.

**THE…EN—**

**trance of ch. 15 will come shortly. (you should've seen your face!)**


	15. Recognition Brings On Kissin'

**((Disclaimer: I don't own. Matsuri does.))**

**((AN: hehehehehhehehehehehehehe ohohohohohoohohohohohohohooh))**

I woke up slowly.

"Holy mother of all things holy," I groaned.

My head felt like tiny dwarves had stomped on it and then beaten it with a bat. My stomach hurt, and my eyes hurt. Everything either hurt or felt weak.

I looked around, expecting to see someone. Emi, Daichi…Zero.

With a small pang in my heart, I remembered what happened. Or rather, I remembered Zero drank from me.

There was no one there. I was in the infirmary in school.

"Ah, Hyui-san, you're awake!' I heard Orika's cheerful voice.

She walked in, smiling.

"How are you feeling? You were brought in last night. The young man who brought you said you had an attack. Though I didn't think you'd be asleep so long. Must've been a hard one."

I sat up, with great complaining from my brain.

"Oh, dear, be careful. I don't think you're quite ready to move around."

"What time is it?"

"It's about 8 in the evening."

I blinked away the remains of sleep. Then, I suddenly realized the dance. It was tonight. That must've been where everyone was. I thought about it and I wondered why Emi didn't stay with me. But, I remembered that, too.

_She must think I'm crazy! _I thought.

"You've had no visitors today. Hum. You usually have a few." The nurse mused.

"Excuse me, nurse, but I feel tons better,"

I managed to talk my way out of the infirmary. I went to the room, which was empty. I found something nice to wear. It was a little black dress which I'd bought a few months back. It only went about to my mid thigh, and the straps were thin strings. I found some black stilettos to wear, and I pulled my hair into a long ponytail. I was about to leave when I noticed my reflection.

I was pale, and my green eyes seemed dull and lonely. My eyes displayed a strange kind of pain.

I got to the dance a few minutes later, but when I walked in, I saw Emi, Daichi, Ayumu and Chika. They were all talking, laughing. I averted my gaze to the floor, a sudden emptiness claiming me. I turned away and saw Yuuki. She ran right past me, not recognizing me. I blinked, hurt and sad.

A few moments later, Zero appeared. My heart squeezed in pain, and I turned away from him. A part of me didn't want to talk to him. But another part wished that he loved me enough to recognize me just by the way I stood.

"Shinobu,"

I closed my eyes as I heard his soft voice. My heart swelled so much that I would've cried, except that Zero sounded harried. I turned around and looked up at him.

Zero wouldn't look at me. His violet eyes wandered, looking at everything except me. My hand absently raised my hand to my neck, covering the small, unnoticeable bandage I'd been given the night before. Zero cringed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him outside to the hallway. It was empty outside, so I turned to Zero and I pulled him to me.

I hugged my arms around his neck and waited for him to hug back.

He was still at first, but I didn't mind.

Then, Zero placed his hands on my waist. I stared at him, daring him to do something. He did.

He kissed me.

It wasn't like the peaceful kisses we've had. It was completely different. This one was more passionate. Zero easily worked his way so that I was pressed against the wall. His hands were on the wall, making it easier, I mused, to keep them to himself.

After a few moments, he broke the kiss, but let his lips trail down to my neck.

I strained out of caution, but his aim was not my blood. He pulled off the bandage and kissed the spot where he'd bitten me, as if trying to make a boo-boo better. I have to say it did help.

I suddenly felt like I should say something. I just didn't know what.

_Should I say his name?_ I queried my mind. _Or is that too… sensual?_

Eventually, I settled on saying his name softly. It sounded weird to me, the way I felt a little drugged.

He returned his lips to my own for a few seconds, and then pulled us both down to Earth by pulling completely out of my embrace. I felt a rush of cool air surround me because of his warmth's absence. I automatically stepped forward, closing the gap between us again.

"Shinobu." He sounded tortured when he said my name, like he needed for us to stop but he didn't want it.

"Zero," I began to reply to something that seemed to have happened ages ago, "You never have to apologize to me,"

He stared me down, then, trying to see if I was sincere. I didn't even know that, but he seemed to let it go.

"I have to go." He said finally. "Don't follow me,"

I opened my mouth to argue but he silenced me with a shake of his head,

"Please, Shinobu?" His voice sounded tortured again, but for an entirely different reason. I made no sound, because I knew where he was going, and why he didn't want me there.

He walked away, leaving me empty once again.


	16. Cruel But Lovely

**((Disclaimer: nope.))**

**((AN: Writing 17 now, Jessy(and anyone else that might care)))**

Emi stayed the night with Ayumu and Chika.

I mean, I think that's what she did. She didn't come back from the dance.

When I'd slipped into my room, it was already pretty late. My head was aching, along with my stomach. I'd blindly kicked off my shoes, and then jumped in the shower.

Not 10 minutes after I was done, I fell asleep.

I was late to class the next morning. Despite my slightly early bedtime the night before, I felt groggy all day. It didn't help that Zero didn't attend school.

At lunchtime, I spotted Emi and the others and sat down.

Emi immediately stood, followed closely by Ayumu and Chika. Daichi stared at the ground.

"What?" I said.

"Ayumu, do we talk to people who keep secrets from their _former_ best friends?"

I stared in disbelief at Emi. Despite her icy tone she looked almost afraid of me. Chika just looked confused. She was never very quick. Ayumu looked ashamed, and Daichi still hadn't looked at me.

Emi walked away, Ayumu and Chika on her tail.

I'd just been snubbed by my best friend. Well, former best friend, apparently, since she wasn't sticking around to see exactly why I had a gun. I let my head hang in silence. In fact, I was surprised Daichi was still there.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to Daichi.

"Sorry? Well, that's good then," His voice sounded sarcastic and hurt at the same time. "I'm sure. If you didn't want to go to the dance with me, you should've just said so, instead of avoiding me!"

"I wasn't avoiding you! I was… I just…" I trailed off, unable to explain that I'd been throwing myself into battle for Zero.

Daichi looked at me and I could see his gaze soften.

"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be calling you out like this. I know who you love, but it hurts to know I'm not that person."

"I can imagine," I mumbled, unwilling to bring up that a month ago I'd been in the same situation.

"No hard feelings, ok? I'm still your friend," he stated.

I nodded. Not feeling very hungry anymore, I pushed my food away and laid my head down.

A few moments later, Daichi asked, "If Zero were here, would you eat if he asked you?"

"…Yes,"

Daichi laughed almost bitterly and then stole my French fries.

I stumbled upon Yuuki after class. Ok, well, I didn't stumble upon her. I kind of stalked her to where I presumed Zero to be. When she was about to leave, I "randomly appeared" and said hi and where might I find Zero?

Yuuki smiled sheepishly and said,

"He's in there, but I think I made him angry."

I blinked and then laughed. "I just wanted to talk to him."

"Good luck with that!" Then she walked away, laughing slightly.

I turned the knob and tried to push the door open, but it wasn't going to budge.

"What do you want, Yuuki?" I heard Zero growl.

I stopped pushing and the door cracked open. I saw Zero's face and he saw mine.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, as if he was really shocked.

"Oh I don't know. I just happened to love you, and so I was sort of worried and I thought I'd come see why you weren't in school,"

Zero opened the door and I stepped in.

"Nice place you got here," I wisecracked, looking around.

Zero shut the door and sighed. I watched him walk over and I noticed something.

"You're limping."

"What? No, I'm not." He lied.

"Uh, first of all, you can't lie to me, and secondly you are so totally limping,"

He sat down on his bed and mumbled, "I shot myself in the leg,"

I burst out laughing. "Ok, ok, ok! It's one thing to miss, but to shoot your self? Oh my God, that's hilarious!"

"I was fighting Ichiru," he added, quieting me down almost instantly.

"Oh, uhm, wow. I haven't seen Ichiru in… forever…"

"I know. He's been with Shizuka this whole time."

I suddenly remembered the pure-blood sorry excuse of a vampire and I scowled.

"What happened with her, anyway?"

"She's dead,"

I almost burst with excitement. Shizuka Hiou was finally dead! I plopped down next to Zero and squealed, almost girlishly, "That's great!"

"I didn't kill her,"

I couldn't see why this was a bad thing. It was probably better that he wouldn't be the one to blame. But I could tell Zero wasn't happy with himself.

"I don't even know who killed her!" He snarled.

There was a moment of hush as I prepared a speech to make him feel better.

"I know that you wanted to kill her yourself, Zero, but it's not as bad as you think. For one, she's still dead, isn't she? She got what was coming to her. And, it's probably better that you didn't do it. This way you can't get caught for killing a pureblood."

"You don't understand!" He yelled loudly, making me jump. He stood up angrily and turned to face me, huffing slightly.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" I asked, suddenly mad myself. "Do you want me to go out," I motioned around with my arm. "And find the guy who did it? So you can kill him? Will that make everything better?"

Zero looked flustered and frustrated. He exhaled and then pulled me into a tight hug.

I returned the favor, my agitation melting away instantaneously.

After our little bicker, I said goodbye.

Now I was walking along, doing pretty much nothing. Other than the fan girls, the school didn't have much excitement. Well, if you consider vampires normal. Which, frankly, I did.

I happened to spot Zero and Yuuki outside the school. I wandered off to snoop, in a fairly pleasant mood. Of course that would last long. Because a council member was there, and he said,

"Zero Kiryuu, under order of the Senate, the highest governing body of vampires, I have come here to execute you for the murder of pureblood vampire, Shizuka Hio.


End file.
